((((INHALE...EXHALE))))....A MUST READ!!

[Josi Marie]

INHALE...


I titled this blog “Inhale...Exhale” for a reason. Long have I waited (patiently, if I may add) to take this deep breath in, and let out all I have had to say for so long. I can already tell you that this may disappoint people. But, at the end of the day, I believe they should respect my honesty, if not anything else. Nevertheless, let me also say, that as the person I am, I never mean any harm. I never set out to destroy people or hurt them. If that may occur, it is not my intention by any means. I am Human, you know, and I do admit that I make mistakes. But as the saying goes, ‘you can not put the toothpaste back in the tube’.

Some people, those who really know me well, and have seen several sides of me, can tell you that I am ambitious and a go getter. I think with my heart, for the most part, and I acknowledge the fact that I need to include my head in some of my thinking processes. (lol). However, those people who do know me well will let you know that I am passionate about many things, and I see life as a challenge and the Earth as the playfield. I believe you have to go out there, claim your place in this thing we call society, and make the best out of it, the best way you know how to, that is.

I have done just that. I realized that my passion and heart was in the Entertainment Industry, and at the tender age of 18, I moved myself from Ohio to New York City to claim my space. Slowly, but bearably, I started making my bed where I wanted to lay. Within a month in NYC, I was doing commercials and appearing on popular shows. I was happy, outwardly. Internally, however, something was missing.

I’m sure you’ve heard that success is nothing if you have no one to share it with. Well, this is the feeling I got. Even when something little happened, booked for something, or anything else that put a smile of my face for that matter, I felt I had no one (close) to share it with. Don’t get me wrong, I have a few GREAT friends that ‘as unpredictable’ as I may be, always support me. However, as much as I love them, friends are one thing; those of kin are another.

I believe that everyone has a calling. Yours may not be what I want it to be, but hey, it is yours! For instance, if I have always wanted you become a teacher, and you see that it was not your calling, and being a nurse suits you better, I would not turn my back on you for it while you go after your passion.

I feel that is what happened to me. Because of my outlook on life, my passion to be different, I was shunned away from those who I felt should hold my hand through it all. Those who are supposed to love me, regardless. Just because I decided to step outside of my comfort zone and try something different, find my own way. Although I try my best to ignore those negative forces, It sometimes hits me, and I am brought back to the ugly reality. I have worked hard to let it be nothing, but it is easier said than done…I’ll keep trying.

Let me get something straight while I am at this. I Respect Myself. You take that as you wish, believe it or not. I believe there are my different ways to look at things. Things are not always so Black and White. Only the naïve look at it that way. For example, if I pose in a picture in a bathing suit, AT A POOL, some will start saying how degrading it is. I understand that everyone has their style and taste, but please, if I feel comfortable doing so, why are you so stressed by it? Never would I get into something I do not feel comfortable doing. Never would I let anyone disrespect me or try to make me feel like a girl-toy. Never would I let anyone try to make me feel as though I am less of a person, or that I am beneath them. So keep in mind of this, throughout everything that I have done, or will do in the future; I will always stay true to myself, even if it may not be in the same fashion as others would expect.

I love my family and my friends, and those who have always been there for me. But at the end of the day, I also love life and myself. Call me selfish if you may, but I am being a realist here. Either love me for who I am, with no stings attached, or leave me be. If you don’t like me, that is okay. But please, before you pass judgment, look at me at all angles. Not just the Bad or just the good. Look at me as human, and a young ambitious girl trying to claim her spot in this world. If at the end of all that, you still do not agree with what I do or what I stand for, it is still okay.

I may not please everyone. I may not be what some people want me to be. I may not live up to your standards. But I am proud of myself at the end of the day, for making it through another day where I am swimming upwards against the currents. Where I am expected to fail at anytime and retire my guns. I am proud of myself for being an intelligent, well-spoken, unafraid, and ambitious young lady, who goes for what she wants NOW, not tomorrow. I am proud of myself.

EXHALE.